should you stay or should you fucking go?
Every day I read (Cosmopolitan, relationships forum etc) about women and men who want to know if they should stay with someone who has cheated on them. Nearly always, the forum is peppered with reasons why the cheater might have been compelled to cheat, and sometimes even includes rationale why it never would have happened had it not been for the evil home-wrecker who hypnotized the poor, innocent, cheater and forced them into actions against his/her will. The request for help is usually fairly evenly divided between “what should I do?” and “how can I make it stop?”I been there, and it's not easy to go thru it.
While I consider myself to be quite the mushball romantic, my feelings on cheating have a much harder edge. Cheating, in my opinion, is a deal-breaker.
Stay with a cheater, cheat yourself.
Why shouldn't you stay with someone who cheats on you? If it happens once, it will happen again. Why? If you stay with man or woman who has cheated on you, you've essentially taught them that they can sleep with somebody else and you'll take them back. Wow, that's pretty great news for them, right! Correct me if I'm wrong?
The first time someone cheats on you, he/she has the most to lose because he/she doesn't know what your reaction will be. But, once he's/she's weathered the initial storm, he's/she's knows precisely how you'll react. By the time he's/she's cheated on you twice, three times, thirty-eight times, he/she knows exactly what to expect. Lots of crying and screaming, followed by a few weeks or months of good behavior on his/her part ("failed" suicide attempt - been there) And then, he's/she's on to his/her next aerobics instructor/co-worker/mall vendor. Repeat. Correct me if I'm wrong again?
Even if you manage to get past the lies, the heartache, and the ten pounds you'll put on with comfort food, a cloud will always hang over your relationship. You'll never truly feel cherished, or completely loved. And you deserve better than that, don't you? OF CUZ! Eveybody deserve better than that. Why torture yourself with feelings of self-doubt and insecurity? (I understand very much for those who torture themselves - cuz again, I been there) Tell that cheater to hit the road, lock yourself in your apartment with your closest friends, a stack of sappy movies (or action flicks). Move on, and find someone who gives you the love and respect you deserve. You have the power here! (someone said this sentence to me before but I just can't remember who! I'm sorry, but whoever you are - thanks!)
My girlfriends once said to me (after my horrible heartbreak): People will only treat you as poorly (or as well) as you allow them to. So, draw a line in the sand (I still reminding myself on this...)
As of today, your high standards are renewed.
Now that you're weeding out the losers, what will you do on Saturday night? As for me, I be at the "Torch". Hang-out with the regulars, the guys... and of cuz I be working **smile** But for those who don't have any plans - Here's the answer: You'll only date people who treat you with respect and kindness and dignity. You'll only date people who are enthusiastic to be around you. I choose to date only men who brought me sweets and opened my car door as well, but that's optional (I wonder - is there still guys open a door for a lady now these days?) just joking, ok **hehehe**
From now on, you'll only date people who treat you as though you are a Christmas gift to the universe (do I make any sense at all by saying this, Mmm..) **hehehe** This may narrow the field a little in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, you'll have only the best dates to choose from. And that's really what it's all about, isn't it?
Whatever that I have said earlier, it goes to myself too. Sometimes you just need someone to remind you all this cuz you intend to slip away or forgotten about it.
There's no advice or magic wand to turn a cheater or abuser into a prince or princess. Consider them a lost cause and move on. Once you set your standards back where they belong, you'll be able to meet and maintain a relationship with the kind of person you truly want to be with.
posted by syaq @ 2:28 PM
4 Comments:
Cosmo is evil. And what u said is only one side of the coin. Everyone has a limit but I believe in forgiveness even though it is easier said than done. Ur just talking of physical cheating but there is also psycological trauma which some say is even worse, whereby a partner constantly brings u down. I affects ur self esteem and can turn u into a slave or drive u to dispair. Anyway, being in a relationship is risky no matter how nice the person may seem. If you can't take the risk, then might as well be single forever.
As in all things in life, there are at least 2 sides to every story..
Best be wary of the stuff being written in mags like Cosmo and Cleo - don't take their words to heart, but don't disregard them either..
But on the brighter side...
"Love Song" as recorded by Tesla
So you think that it's over
Say your love has finally reached the end
Anytime you call
Night or day
I'll be right there for you
If you need a friend
CHORUS:
Yeah
Love is all around you
Love is knocking outside the
door
Waitin' for you
Is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again
I know you'll find love again
It's gonna take a little time
Time is sure to mend your broken heart
Don't you even worry Pretty darlin'
I know you'll find love again
CHORUS:
SOLO
Love will find a way
Darlin' Love is gonna find a way
Find it's way back to you
Love will find a way
So look around
Open your eyes
Love is gonna find a way
Love is gonna
Love is gonna find a way
Love will find a way
Love's gonna find a way
Back to you Yeah
I know
I know
I know
I know
Era, remember that sombre night when you poured your inner feelings to me? Remember all the things that I've said that night? I hope you do. To err is human Era, to forgive is indeed divine...
As human we tend to get hurt a lot, Era. Get hurt and heal are part of the process in being human itself. In those process, how many time did you really realize to forgive and to seek for forgiveness? I do believe that forgiveness is the best way to heal whatever had been hurt us. It's like a soul redemption towards whatever force that conquered us. And from that I knew begging for forgiveness is a lot more easier than giving it. I'm a human. But still I wish in so many ways, I could be a divine every once in a while. Don't you want it to?
So, forgive them my dear and go on with your newly life...
Post a Comment
<< Home