The fear of dating.. are you not?
Do you remember the line from the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," in which soon-to-be-married Marie and Jess are lying in bed after consoling their friends, Harry and Sally? Marie turns to Jess and says, "Please tell me I will never have to be out there again!" There is a good chance, if you are reading this blog, that you and/or a close friend are back out there, again, in the dating arena. For many, the re-entry to meeting new people and dating is downright scary; it is the last thing they truly want to do. I am sure that most of us, at some point in our lives, have uttered a similar phrase to the one that Marie shared with Jess. It is unfortunate, today, that relationships end at such an alarming rate (do you agree with me?!)These endings put us back in that place we all detest **smile** Once again, we must force ourselves back out there to find that special, unique person with whom to share our love and our life (darn! not again.. ya! ya! I know) Some of us have no problem returning to the dating scene. We feel it is like riding a bicycle: we never forget how to do it. Others, though, are left with unresolved hurts: self esteem issues and traumas from past relationships (ehem! like myself - sigh!) Many feel, based on past experiences, that it is just not worth the effort: they are prepared to go it alone (that MOFO caused me this, shit!!) **argh** Some may find themselves suddenly and surprisingly single, after having been in a very long-term relationship. Today it is not uncommon to find people single again after 10 - 25 years of being in a loving relationship.
Each day I meet single men and women (mostly are my circle-of-friends) I hear the excuses of why they are not dating and trying to meet the one for them. Excuses like:
I will never love again; my ex was the only one for me.
I do not know how to do this dating thing.
I have trouble meeting people.
I am too old.
I am not attractive anymore.
I have children.
My job is too demanding.
I have no time.
I will never trust someone again.
I am not capable of loving.
These are just a few of the excuses that come to my mind, right now (damn! I just can't think more at this moment): excuses that prevent people from re-entering the dating scene **winking smile** One thing, though, I have learned in my life: life just is not as much fun when you are alone. At some point, after getting over the hurt from the last relationship -- and dealing with any past emotional baggage -- you need to get back into the saddle again, so to speak (agree with me, people?!) **rolling eyes smile** Dating and meeting new people should be a fun experience -- not a fearful one. Sure, we all have had the date from hell, but I am sure the nice experiences outweigh the occasional bad ones.
In order to get back to dating, you have to remove your fears (it takes time to move the fears away, not an easy task to do - been there!) **winking smile** This is your key to successfully making dating a fun experience (if you ever manage to clorox your fear away la) Should you have difficulties with your fears associated with dating, I would advise that you seek the counsel of a good friend who might have gone through the same thing, or consult a professional to help you overcome your fears (thanks Desmond, Yan and CK! you are my professional helpers) **huggies**
You might say to yourself, "I am a loser, I'm fucking useless" (I did this a lot of times - countless) **sigh** And most of my professional helpers will said "No you are not!" Now all you have to do is lose your fears, put out the effort to meet new people, date, and have fun. Eventually, you will find the one for you (I will find mine.. else I will re-consider becoming a lesbo) **hehehe**
Movie quote from "Fool Rush In" - "You will never know love unless you surrender to it"
posted by syaq @ 2:27 PM
2 Comments:
Era, Era
Ur name rhymes with Tequila
Ur ass drives men gila
But ur heart is honest & true
Don't be afraid to date
Coz its never to late
For the future
is filled with love for you
You're being a bit egocentric here. I know because i often am too.
Yes the excuses are excuses, but look beyond that. What you're saying here is that dating/relationships are important for you. But maybe they are simply not so important for the people who made the excuses. Deeper question...should it be soooo important for any of us? Isn't that obsessive "in love" feeling (how well i know it!) a kind of idolatry? It's a sweetly tempting idolatry given substance by poems and books and movies. Should it really be the central focus of life? I know full well that it should not be...but it's hard not to long for it anyway.
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